“The mother-daughter relationship is the most powerful bond in the world, for better or for worse. It sets the stage for all other relationships.” – Christiane Northrup, from the book Mother-Daughter Wisdom
It is not always an easy task for women to move from the roles of Mom and Daughter to Adult/Adult. And while you will always be “the Mom” or “the Daughter” – you can also enjoy reaping the benefits of growing closer through learning about each other as people.
Mother Daughter Twogether was born out of the recognition that Julia and Hannah enjoy each other and enjoy learning about healthy relationships. They shared their observations that many moms and daughters they encountered experience distance and friction. Sometimes the friction calmed down over time, while in other relationships the tension persisted. They wondered what they could offer that might address this problem and decided to create a platform that promotes open dialogue about the “stuck points” and teach skills that support healthy relationships.
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Julia & Hannah: Our Transition from Mother/Daughter to Adult/Adult
Here’s a snapshot of some of our personal challenges and what we learned in our transition to a more adult/adult relationship:
As the mom, my challenge has been to:
- See Hannah as a fully capable adult and trust her decisions
- Quit giving her reminders! (If she chooses to delay a car repair and it ends up breaking down….it’s ultimately her lesson to learn!)
- Not assume what she may want, think or feel even though we’re a lot alike
- Speak up when I want something from her; such as I’d like her to take a turn cooking a meal when she visits, or asking her to fill up my car with gas when she’s used it etc.
As the daughter, my challenge has been to:
- Figure out my boundaries. When I’ve had issues with my brother or my boyfriend, I didn’t think it was best to involve my mom.
- Know when to ask my mom for input! I knew I was on my own, but sometimes it made life easier to ask her opinion (like around how much is reasonable to pay for certain items etc.)
- Expand my resources to include other adults I can go to. I now have 3 other wise women in my world who I count on for support.
At our best, we are kind, open and laugh a lot. At our not-so-best we can be bossy and controlling.
But we’ve settled into a rhythm now that feels easy, fun and something we both treasure. Even with the miles between us, we talk frequently and look forward to the time we will see each other again.
Our intention is to support moms and daughters to develop the skills they need in order to create fun, loving relationships. Join our growing community on Facebook!